Thank you Papa

When I quit being a Lawyer, it was an obvious assumption that my parents would never support this decision. These hard-working, middle-class parents took a loan and spent lakhs on my college education, and I decided to play and teach Guitar instead?! To be honest, I didn't hold on to any hope or support. It was a heavy risk, one where I just went with the flow of doing what I loved, while feeling incredibly guilty. 

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Living independently in Delhi was a crucial and a necessary decision. More than my family, I wanted to prove it to myself that I can make a living out of just music. 'Making it' holds a different definition for everyone. For me, it was always about spreading the joy of music - be it by performing or teaching or social media. The platform didn't matter as far as the message was passed across.

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I look back and I wonder, was I really that alone in the journey? There were several things that I was never permitted since I was brought up in a small town, but support is the price you pay for your freedom. I drowned myself in work and made the best of every opportunity. I performed solo gigs, I conducted workshops, I took one-on-one lessons, I marketed my classes like crazy, I made new contacts, I upgraded my gear, I self-learnt music production, I worked more and more on my skill; all while managing my rent and bills, changing apartments when necessary, cooking, cleaning, sticking to a routine (that I usually failed at), all the admin work of being an independent music instructor, and imprudent social life. It was a pain to manage the latter but I took extreme pride in being a self-made independent woman who was capable of taking complete care of herself by doing what she loves -the win was that I gifted myself the ability to play Guitar whenever I wanted. 

Living by myself,
projected onto me,
an image of that adult,
I always wanted to be.

I'd leave that story for another blog post. 

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I don't blame the societal doubts about making a living out of passion because I was myself unsure of it, till I reached a place where I felt as stable as a corporate slave. One thing that I was wholly dedicated to was teaching. I took full responsibility of music in others' lives, even on the days I was unable to keep up with my own progress. So, I streamlined my attention to building an online community (of working adults) who wanted to keep music close despite their schedules. I could guide them with a hint of personal experience, since I had struggled with the same as a lawyer.

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A year passed and all my work eventually shifted online. I could now travel with my gear, so I went to live with my parents for a couple of weeks. Perhaps, they noticed - the dedication, the passion, the growth, the stability. Or maybe they already believed it, more than I ever did. It was never discussed, but it was strongly felt. The environment was more lively and less tensed, unlike the usual. There was acceptance in the air, breathing which sent relief through my veins. I could relax after a whole year of working my ass off at proving it. Things kept getting better on the parental front thereof. I started practicing gratefulness like never before. I felt so blessed that I just wanted to spread good, do good, be good.

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I used to desperately seek a mentor who had walked a similar path so I could seek hope in the days where I lost it all. But no, I stood as my sole supporter. This experience made me strong like never before. Around this time, I also took my first ever solo trip - which I now know was a result of the confidence I could build and the love I received in the preceding months. 

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It has been more than 2 years since I quit my job, and the reason I am writing this post today is because my dear father gifted me a very expensive Guitar for my Birthday. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. My mother endlessly searched for the right model of my choice and made it her priority during their trip. This level of acceptance was only a dream and it feels like Real success. That former guilt is now subsiding. I have thanked them several times and the last time my dad jokingly said - I'll slap you if you thank me again. My gratitude knows no bounds right now. You can only experience this emotion when you overcome the struggle all by yourself, without any expectations attached, when you just believe in the power that music has made you feel and you blindly follow the path it is leading you to. Thank you Papa, thank you for trusting this ghost hope that I was chasing, thank you for walking with me in it:) 

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