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They tore.

My heart weeps.
Someone who has scored 70 in English is getting English Honors. I scored a 95 and I'm dying to study more of English. But I ain't getting it.
Justified? JUSTIFIED??? For the system that prevails, it is.
I remember that innocent, chirpy girl of class eight with two neat plaits. Whenever questioned- 'What will you do when you grow up?' Her answer - 'Study English!'
Bitter truth, she never knew her dream would shatter in front of her eyes in the next four years.
Ask her grandparents, how she went around like nothing is possible without knowing English or going into the depths of poetry or knowing what Shakespeare wrote.
She, who compared realities with the stories she read. Narrated those she loved, to everybody she met. And today they call her immature. They say she hasn't seen much of the world and still lives in the world of her fantasies and dreams.
Tell them, I surrounded myself with what I read. Because what I read was beautiful. It still is. Why struggle in the real world when my fantasy is so alluring?
But I've realized, the reality can make your world go upside down. Something that I've longed for since I was kid, I'VE DIED FOR, has been snatched from my hands and I stand back and hold that lump in my throat.
Science...I won't say I made a mistake. I didn't work hard. But, when I saw my score, I jumped. I was happy.
I WAS HAPPY. I've never been happy since.
They cancelled CATE and C-JET exams this year for which I was preparing since my boards were over. And then their inflated cut-offs.
Somewhere inside I wish, while putting that 'against corruption' thing as my Facebook status, I shouldn't have meant it. Then, I wouldn't have hesitated in bribing the authorities.
Tell me, am i not deserving? I won't say I write good but do I write bad? So, I've no right to see a future in this stream! Why can't I study something that I love? I DIE FOR IT. Not that they didn't reach my score.They partially did. And many say they're now full. Everybody knows that they still have vacancy but only for those who'd bribe them!!!
People are busy packing. Many are done. I'm sitting here with empty hands. I don't want to!
Nothing is ready as my heart and mind aren't.
Is it so easy? Till yesterday, I'd always imagined myself buried in novels and poetry. And today...I bury my face in my hands...why? WHY? You can't except adjustment out of me when it comes to sacrificing my love.
Why can't I hang myself? Why shouldn't I? Thousands would be spared from this injustice in the coming year. I cry every night. I cry hard. WHY ME? What loss would it be to the world if I give them good writings or be a good lecturer, thereafter?
I won't do it, though.

Somebody came and tore off my clothes. I sit beside a heap of new ones.
But why? When my heart, alone, weeps.







Comments

  1. Unknown19 July 2013 at 20:27

    navreen so cute

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown23 July 2013 at 00:46

    do not even get me started on this. :|

    ReplyDelete
  3. I Express26 July 2013 at 09:45

    lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. Praneet13 December 2013 at 23:17

    Really good article!

    Just a point that books create a beautiful world but that's no real world and is often crueler than the bookish world maybe that's what elders say but yeah they often underestimate our generation as kiddish and no brainers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I Express18 December 2013 at 08:54

      At first, thank you (:

      I second you. Especially, our potential is dug beneath the race of being all rounders. But, what matters in the end are our grades which in no way justify what we are capable of!

      Delete

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