Skip to main content

It's been 4 years?


I had forgotten about the existence of this Blog.

.

My student shared a really vulnerable writing of hers' that I happened to read, and it inspired me so much that I hungrily started searching for the time I used to write like that. Shamelessly, honestly, vulnerably. Read here how she named her Guitar.

I read a couple of my old posts and I am in awe! I have fiction-ed stories that never happened and I completely forgot about the existence of this side of my mind. I do journal my real emotions every now and then, but weaving stories that are hardly related to any real life moment - how did I do that? And why did I ever stop? I guess social media has a part to play - the need for instant validation.

This was indeed a beautiful world I was building and I was probably not even expecting someone to read it, it was my own little bubble. I am confused because writing like this was a grand escape that I let go. I did write a poem a few days ago that felt liberating, and this poem was also inspired by my student's poem. Life is coming a full circle, no? 

I used to put effort in editing, italicizing and breaking down paragraphs and imagining the story as a whole. The surprising thing is, I was doing all of that without expecting anyone to read it ever. The aim was to seek the joy within the task itself. I do acknowledge the fact that I hungrily seek validation with music at present. I hope to get past this emotion the next time I come here to express.

.

I am grateful that a past version of me inspired a future version of me:)







  

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Till the blood dries.

  "The blood oozing out from the cut, gave me immense satisfaction."  "But where was the cut?"  "His neck."           I recently read about Nietzsche's thoughts on Morality and how the good and the evil have been reversed. He asks one to revise the existing norms and to live on ones mental instincts rather than following the herd morality. Isn't that a contradiction there?            The individual's mental instincts. Would they be good? Who decides the evil? Where do you cross the line?            When one is raped, why is there pressure on the law by the family? Would indirect foreordained justification calm your blood? No doubt Nietzsche spoke shit about democracy. 'A 16-year-old girl and her 22-year-old boyfriend were arrested for killing the girl’s adopted parents and leaving their bodies in the house to rot in an upmarket neighbourhood in Vadodara.' ...

I was shamelessly staring at him.

I realized I was shamelessly staring at him but I didn't cease. At the gas station, our bus was standing among vehicles which constantly honked horns. The conductor was engaged in a fight, a brutal one they said, which I didn't bother to look at. Soon the bus driver, too, became a part of it.  Half past one, the heat was intense. Cacophony surrounded me.  Abuses to pleads. One spat paan while the fight continued. For the young men it was a recreation, "Let's call the Prime Minister to sort this out", one joked. An elderly man staring at young girls playing. Women fanning themselves with the loose end of their saree and their mother-in-laws frowning at them as their sarees slipped from their heads. A mother grabbing a handful of chips from the packet her daughter was holding, chewing, cursing the weather, and the fighting men, as few bits fell off her mouth. An unmarried couple, taking all the advantage of the half-empty bus. A lady, post staring me from he...

Thank you Papa

When I quit being a Lawyer, it was an obvious assumption that my parents would never support this decision. These hard-working, middle-class parents took a loan and spent lakhs on my college education, and I decided to play and teach Guitar instead?! To be honest, I didn't hold on to any hope or support. It was a heavy risk, one where I just went with the flow of doing what I loved, while feeling incredibly guilty.  . Living independently in Delhi was a crucial and a necessary decision. More than my family, I wanted to prove it to myself that I can make a living out of just music.  'Making it' holds a different definition for everyone. For me, it was always about spreading the joy of music -  be it by performing or teaching or social media. The platform didn't matter as far as the message was passed across. . I look back and I wonder, was I really that alone in the journey? There were several things that I was never permitted since I was brought up in a small town,...